An Anti-Valentine’s Day playlist just for you!

I just want to make one thing crystal clear…I’m not one of those emos who is always crying. And I don’t have a death wish, just in case you are reading this sweetheart:) But, not everyone is into Valentines Day and you shouldn’t have to feel you need to reciprocate heartfelt gestures just because cupid says so. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a romantic at heart, but sometimes it’s ok to want to wallow in your own private Idaho and just tune out to Valentine’s Day altogether.  Anyway, here are six songs for you to annoy the hell out of everyone on Valentines Day. I await your hate mail. Enjoy!

Heart-Shaped Box was one of Nirvana’s signature songs from their In Utero album. Interestingly, Kurt Cobain originally had a working title of “Heart-Shaped Coffin” before making the subtle change. Smart move Kurt! The lyrics of course to Heart-Shaped Box are somewhat confusing but also powerfully evocative and a testament of Cobain’s incredible songwriter talent. Though one really has to wonder what the hell is this song about!? Is it a song about heartbreak or is it actually what some people perceived to be a love song? Just don’t ask Courtney Love what the song is about. Trust me, you don’t want to know!

Last Kiss is not a song you want to dedicate to anyone. It is both beautiful and tragic at the same time. (The lyrics are gut wrenching and I’m not ashamed to say it tears me up inside almost every time I listen to it.) Originally a song released by Wayne Cochran, it was made famous by Pearl Jam in 1999. In short, Eddie Vedder really does justice to this song vocally. The songs opening lines, “Oh, where oh where can my baby be?/ The Lord took her away from me/ She’s gone to heaven, so I got to be good/ So I can see my baby when I leave this world” really cuts to the chase, so that there is no mistake that this is a very sad song.

“The snippy Thief of Hearts takes swipes at a man stealer but not out of love or loyalty toward the purloined boyfriend, who isn’t even mentioned.” wrote Arion Berger for Rolling Stone magazine in 1992. Interestingly, it opens with the sound of glass shattering followed by name calling and even threats of legs being broken. “You’ll be sorry!” Madonna warns the unnamed offender, “No one ever takes what’s mine!” Disguised as a wonderful dance number, just try to ignore its spitefulness.

When I really piss off my partner, she often gives me the filthiest of looks and says of course in jest… “now you really are just Somebody That I Used To Know”. It’s the ultimate burn! Honesty, you don’t want to be on the end of Goyte’s spiteful contemplative song. Featuring the incredibly beautiful Kimbra, Goyte’s stylistic pop masterpiece is without a doubt one of the greatest love songs ever written.

Quentin Tarantino used Nancy Sinatra’s version of the song Bang, Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) for his martial arts thriller Kill Bill during the opening credits after Bill shoots The Bride. It’s graphic and almost impossible nowadays to disassociated the song with the film. Is it the ultimate anti-Valentines Day song? I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Some of the best breakup songs are the angry ones and in the mid 90s Alanis Morisette released an absolute gem called You Oughta Know. Still to this day I struggle to recall another song that can truly match the venom and sting of arguably the song she is most remembered for. In a masterful vocal performance on You Oughta Know, Morisette captures all the rage of a scorned woman which fits perfectly on any V-Day haters lists. In short, it’s not difficult to get the gist of Morisette’s pain and resentment towards an old flame especially with lyrics like “And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back I hope you feel it.”

*This article was originally published in February 2020. It has been updated here with some new content.